Is Infertility Your Fault?

Do any of you ever wonder if you deserve to be a mother or a father?

Is there some secret place in the back of your mind or heart that believes that infertility has affected you because you are not good enough, you did something wrong, something about you doesn't deserve being a parent?  

 If you have that nagging suspicion, you are not alone. You are so, so not alone.

 I have been fortunate enough to not have had cancer or cardiac problems or respiratory problems or many other medical problems or conditions.

Maybe I would blame myself if I did have those health issues. Maybe I would think it was my own fault for something I had or had not done.

 I don't know.

 I do know that infertility was not my fault. 

 I also know that it's not your fault. 

Read that again. It's not your fault.

What If?

 What if you had a sexually transmitted disease that actually did cause your infertility?  

 What if you had an abortion that caused damage to your fallopian tubes, uterus or ovaries?

 Does that make it your fault? Or was it simply an action that occurred because of a choice that you made, with the best information at the time?

Here’s the Point ,Though

Whatever you chose to do or chose not to do, assigning blame isn't going to help.

Let's say it is your fault. You made a lousy decision or even a series of lousy decisions. Really lousy. Those choices can be directly attributed to why you’re not becoming pregnant.

And now you're paying the price and you feel you deserve it because of those decisions you made in the past. 

Guess What

One, this is highly unusual.

The most usual point that we can blame on ourselves is having waited before trying to conceive. Maybe you waited for your career to be launched. Or until you found the partner that was ready to become a parent with you. Please try to remember that you had your reasons, that made sense to you at the time.

 And guess what else?

Your past decisions, even the ones that you regret, won't make you a lousy parent.  

 In fact, learning from lousy decisions will make you a great parent.

 Punishment for lousy decisions is not lifetime exclusion from parenthood. 

 Doesn't that seem extreme to you?

 Wouldn't it seem extreme if it were happening to someone else?

 Would you consider forgiving yourself?

 Would it be possible?

 Could you consider forgiving yourself as you would forgive someone else?

 Then get going with whatever fertility treatment you need to become a parent.

 You'll be a great one.