Positive Thinking Toxicity and Infertility

The word toxic is used for many things these days.

It means poisonous.

That's a powerful and dramatic statement and it's used about relationships, thinking, feelings, situations, even our bodies. The word toxic is overused, in my opinion, but it hasn’t really lost its punch. It means something when we hear it or read it. It means something to be purged or at the very least, avoided.

In this article about toxic positivity, (published by BoredPanda and written by Li Nefa) the term was perfect,  confirming what I’ve been thinking since 2006.

The book, "The Secret" came out in 2006, and ever since then, I've railed against the idea of negative thoughts and feelings. The book proposed that any feelings, thoughts and words that we have will come back to us, so all negative thoughts were to be avoided. At all costs.

In over thirty years of speaking to thousands of people about their fertility treatment and their struggles with infertility, never once have I heard someone say, “My IVF cycle failed. I’m so excited we get to do it again.”

Never once.

I have a simple question about avoiding negative feelings and thoughts.

Why?

If we human beings weren't meant to feel disappointment, sadness, anger, frustration, fear,  even rage, then we would feel them?

Simple answer, with two parts.

One, they serve a purpose! These feelings are a natural response to emotional, spiritual and physical pain. These feelings give us an outlet, a way to express ourselves so that these very challenging emotions don’t smolder and oppress us from within. Don’t you often feel relief after having an honest talk with someone when you’re disappointed or enraged? Doesn’t it often bring relief to punch a pillow, run as hard as you can, scream it out?

Negative feelings also serve to inform us—what are our limits? When have we reached them? And often, then, where can we stretch, grow, and build strength from the disappointments that we’ve experienced?

We find resiliency, strength and a resurgence of hope when we allow ourselves to feel all our feelings.

Your no may be the most powerful, non-toxic way of finding your way to a yes.

Your fear may lead the way to hope.

Your frustration may guide you towards your goal.

Your sadness may be the illumination that your heart uses to show you the way to your deepest desires. And it can be the fuel that is needed to shore up your reserves of determination.

So you can try again.

You’re never alone. I’m always available to talk.