Infertility. What I Told Myself. What I Heard. What I Believed. A Poem.

Infertility isn’t life or death, I was told.

Having a family, or not, was a choice, I was told.

There’s pain out there that is more important, I was told.

You can always adopt, I was told.

Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mother, I was told.

Don’t be so selfish, I was told.

There are children out there, just waiting for a home, I was told.

You can be a family of two, I was told.

You can have mine! I was told.

There are other ways to have a meaningful life, besides being a mother, I was told.

God obviously has other plans for you, I was told.

Channel that energy into other places, I was told.

Keep trying, it’ll work eventually, maybe, I was told.

You’re young, I was told.

You’re not so young, I was told.

Get a hobby, I was told.

Make other choices, I was told.

Think about something else, I was told.

Get another degree, I was told.

Take a vacation, I was told.

Take a break, I was told.

Eat a pineapple, I was told.

Become a vegan, I was told.

Eat keto, I was told.

Exercise more, I was told.

Stop running, I was told.

Try yoga, I was told.

Keep positive, I was told.

Negative thoughts will produce negative results, I was told.

Sleep 8 hours a night, I was told.

Drink only room temperature water, I was told.

Don’t drink coffee, I was told.

Don’t drink liquor, I was told.

Eat only organic food, I was told.

Remove toxic people from your life, I was told.

It doesn’t really matter as much as you think, I was told.

I wish you really knew what having kids was going to be like, I was told.

At least you dn’t hav eto get fat and pregnant, I was told.

Look at all the disposable income you will have, I was told.

At least you’re married, I was told.

Buy a bigger house, I was told.

Buy a nicer car, I was told.

Get over yourself, I was told. (But not exactly in those words.)

Move on, I was told.

Don’t quit, I was told.

Don’t let this change you, I was told.

If God meant for you to be a mother, you would be one already, I was told.

Fertility treatment will cause cancer, I was told.

You’re crazy! I was told.

Why are you so obsessed, I was told.

Think of something else, I was told.

Relax, I was told.

You’re meant to do something else with your life, I was told.

There are too many children in this world already, I was told.

Accept what is, I was told.

Accept what isn’t, I was told.

Grow up! I was told.

Get over yourself, I was told.

Choose a new path, I was told.

Acceptance is the key, I was told.

Life goes on, I was told.

It wasn’t meant to be, I was told.

Life’s too short to be this unhappy, I was told.

Children are a pain in the ass! I was told.

You’re better off without them, I was told.

I wish I hadn’t had them, I was told.

Life isn’t complete without children, I was told.

Your marriage isn’t whole without children, I was told.

You aren’t complete without them, I was told.

You aren’t. I was told.

You are less, I told myself.

You are empty, I told myself.

You are incomplete, I told myself.

You are damaged, I told myself.

You are not a whole woman, I told myself.

You are not a woman, I told myself.

I am present, I told myself.

I am resilient, I told myself.

I am strong, I told myself.

I am healthy, I told myself.

I am calm, I told myself.

I am peaceful, I told myself.

I am worthwhile, just as I am, I told myself.

I am a woman, whole and complete, I told myself.

I am a powerful force, I told myself.

I am loved and I am loving, I told myself.

I am peace. I told myself.

I am whole and complete, in this moment, I told myself.

I am. I told myself.

I listened to it all.

I believed this.

I am.